Soon people will be gathering for Thanksgiving and then everyone is thrust into the holiday season. This time of year seems to get harder for me each year. I’m very apprehensive about this year because of my chronic migraines and fatigue that have been worse. Right now I feel like I need a lot of rest. The anxiety has been hard to get under control lately. And now that the time has changed, I have a more difficult time with my depression and sleep schedule. I have been experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder for years, along with everything else. I just don’t know if I can handle “gatherings” right now. I had a very rough time last year and I vowed that I would “never do that again”. I just overdid it and my body and mind paid for it. I committed to too many gatherings (yes, only a few can be too many). And I was in a bad season of panic attacks and had many doctor appointments. I still had to do essential things like grocery shopping and staying on top of paperwork. And I just didn’t feel good in general. It was not a good time for socializing and going places.
So this year I have decided to just wait and see how I feel much, much closer to the time. I’m not committing to anything. If I can go, great! I will likely still limit my time there. If I can’t, I’ll still make plans to see people at some point…later, when I’m feeling better. Maybe I can meet one-on-one with some people. So far, everyone has been understanding. I don’t feel bad for being what some people might say is “selfish” because I have learned that self-care is not selfish. I have neglected to put myself first in too many situations. Now that I have learned how much stress affects my pain level, anxiety, migraines, etc. I just have to put myself first and manage this season correctly. And I simply must stick to my usual routine and sleep schedule. I have seen what happens when I don’t and it’s not pretty.
I still plan to get in the holiday spirit. I have already begun planning some gifts and I’d like to make a charitable donation before the end of the year. I love putting up my little tree and setting out my angels and trying to keep my cat away from everything. I just picked up two angels to add to my collection today. I like baking, as long as I have the energy for it. I like the music. I like to invite people over for tea if I’m feeling well. And the Christmas story, of course! I have held onto the tradition I started when I was little of reading about the birth of our Savior in one of my Bible’s, late in the night on Christmas Eve.
I know many people in the chronic pain and illness and mental health communities will be making modifications to their holiday plans too, even if it means staying home or scaling back who they spend time with or how long they stay at gatherings. I know I’m not alone. Are you doing anything to prepare yourself for the holidays? Are you making any changes this year? Have you found that your friends and family are understanding of your needs?
I hope you all have a blessed holiday season and remember: self-care is not selfish.
2 Thessalonians 3:16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.